Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
