i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
