dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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