I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
