Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
