My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
