Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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