She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it's like iHOP with fire
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
