I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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