Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
