Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
