It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
