so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
