I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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