is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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