I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
