One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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