shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
