Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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