I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
