The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
