she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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