i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
