Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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