The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
