So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
