There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
