There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
