Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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