from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
