we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
