i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
love makes seman taste better
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
