I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
