I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
