Sry I called you an 8
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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