PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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