He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
