At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's blow job season.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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