hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
