She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
