i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
