In the future we'll all be gay
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
