Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
