can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
