So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
