Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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