no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
