I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
