i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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