Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
